The Angel Of Death

Death, or as we know it.
What is fear, and what is dying? Fear is the physical and psychological response resulting in negative and unpleasant emotions from an encounter or experience. Dying, as we know it, is the end of life as we interpret it. What are the differences between the two?
We understand much about fear. We understand the responses of the sequence of freeze, flight and lastly fight. We understand the psychological responses to fear. We all have a taste of fear and everyone knows what it feels like, with each having their own individual fears. We understand how to inflict fear on others, like telling of ghost stories or pretending to be some psychopathic serial killer. And we all have different ways of responding to fear, some avoid it completely, some embrace it as motivation, others seek a balance of the void through meditation. And while fear may not be a subject matter fully stripped bare and disclosed, we can say we have at least a definition and understanding on fear on an individual level.
What is scary about death is that we do not have any similar experiences to draw upon. It is an eventuality of the end, a black hole at the end of time that takes everything in and leaves nothing out. And so people embrace it differently. The Egyptians believe in death as just another start of a new passage, Hindus believe in the eternal samsara of rebirth. There are those who believe in a rosy and bright paradise in the afterlife, or a fiery and infernal underworld. Some astrophysicists believe that a slight form of energy retains. Mystics and fortune tellers enter trance to cross over world of realms.
The only certainty is death, but what comes after? No one knows. We have not the slightest idea of what it could be like and we tend to create explanations for things we don’t understand.
So isn’t it ironic to understand the emotion, but not the underlying cause of it? We are happy when we are being given ice cream, and sad because of heartbreaks. Death is as scary and more overpowering than what fear can offer, because it is an empty page in the book of knowledge.
Does death scares you?
Sure, death scares me. And why won’t it be? Everything that we do, participate, behave or act are in accordance to a certain root behaviour of building and gaining value. And that is why everything you do, everything, has at least a certain value to the individual. What is value? Value is the regard that something is held to deserve, the importance, worth, or usefulness of something. Everything that we do have a value. There is value in seeking financial gains. There is value in seeking a hedonistic lifestyle. There is value in seeking individual knowledge. There is value in seeking power. And it’s not just in broad areas or concepts. There is value in basic functions as well, in eating and enjoying the food, in travelling and seeing the world, in fighting and beating the crap out of people you hate, in taking drugs and relishing the thrill. The idea is to derive some form of happiness at the end, no matter how short lived they are.
So if you enjoy happiness, or any of the functions attached to it, good for you, you should be alive. Being alive is like one of the two sides of the coin, except that instead of good or evil, it is good or the absence of good. The absence of good isn’t just the equivalent of evil and opposite of good, it is a void in itself. There is nothing, just like in death. If you enjoy even the most basic function of living, to take a deep breath and smell life as it is, then understand that dying is not just stopping to breathe and losing the function of smell. It is a destroyer of worlds, and the antimatter that annihilates all that is life.
What are your thoughts on death?
I am very much afraid of death, because I’m deeply in love with life and it’s pleasure. It might be that direct correlation that the more I wanna live, the more I’m afraid to die. It’s not a question of not having any pleasures, death remove pleasure from the equation.
My flirtation with the angel of death came in many forms. I nearly drowned to death once when I was young. I also had genuine and legitimate cause for concern over contracting the Ebolavirus which sent me into two days of depression, which were luckily unvalidated. Some times I wonder how one could erase the entirety of his existence on this world. All the connections, work, love, bonds forged over the course of years, and years yet to come would be gone. How would the world be like with one less person? Maybe they didn’t really matter. But what about the reader? Will you register any emotions if you knew the person you have loved deeply didn’t even knew you existed?
Does death motivate you?
Sure it does, because life is finite like everything else. So does the deadline for my next assignment. Or the desire to be fitter by the end of the year. Death like all the other finites is just one more deadline on the list, one of the many timelines, but death is the last one laughing at them all.
Yet there could be two varying attitudes with this ‘to do list’ of death, one is to accept and work within the limits, the other is to give up and resign to fate. If you play by the rules and submit your work by the deadline, you reap the rewards and get the motivation to stay on and ultimately find happiness. On the other hand, the last time someone told me he was not afraid of dying, he was also late in paying his rent, late in finding a career, never had any desires for real love and lost the ability to dream and set targets for himself.
People who are not afraid of dying are under the illusion they have cast, that being the rebel hides the failure of themselves. And that is an individualistic selfish opinion because they don’t even respect how hard others are struggling to live. Parents are afraid of leaving orphans. Chefs are afraid of uneaten painstaking creations they make with passion. Sportsmen are rounding the clock just to give their all in one defining moment of the lives. There is value in everything, you just need to learn to see it.
One can never completely make the fear of dying go away. But it’s possible to come to peace with death. And that, like the matter and antimatter of life, can be a world of difference in itself.
Published in: on March 2, 2015 at 6:26 am  Leave a Comment  

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